Late last night as I was trying to sleep, a few things came to me (this is when I do my best thinking!).
I remember when I decided to go ahead with ending my marriage. I remember those next few weeks where I was so set on staying Single because I refused to go through the pain and heartache of not feeling valued, feeling loved and feeling lonely ever again!! I mean, it was much easier to put up a huge wall and refuse to let any emotion run through my body and my heart. I felt that way for the next few months after.
Since my separation, selling and moving and all the other changes that happened at the same time (I mean REALLY??) I really started digging deeper into my emotions. My emotions about what I really wanted in life, what I truly wanted to live and experience and really dug deep and found value in myself <3.
Two months ago, I told everyone that If I ever dated, the person MUST fit A,B, C,D and that will be when I am ready to date. Another excuse to not let myself be vulnerable and live life. I was miserable. I mean really, who wants to live life not experiencing any emotion at all?? It was a way of playing it safe.
About a month ago, I started toying with the idea of dating. I mean, my history does not prove well as I really have never experienced dating, I have always found myself in relationship after relationship OR alone for many, many years. So it SCARED the hell out of me ESPECIALLY that in today’s society, it is friggin hard to meet people and the easiest way was to go online, EEKS!!
So I did something I swore I would never do, I joined an online dating app. It felt so weird and wrong. I mean, It was so out of my comfort zone and so against everything that I believed (or thought I believed) but I kept pushing through those oh shit moments.
Two weeks later and I am LOVING it!! Seriously, when do you get the chance to chat with others like you do with online dating??? I mean, of course there are a ton of people on their looking for a booty call BUT there are a TON of people who are on there looking for the same thing you and myself are: life experiences, friendships, love and so on.
So back to last night’s thoughts: I finally realized that I am ready to experience emotions. I want to feel happiness, excitement, boredom, sexiness, loneliness, heart ache, sadness and so on. If I shut off my chance to experience all this, I will forever be lonely. I want to feel all this because I want to feel ALIVE!!
I have no clue what I am really looking for or what is in store for me BUT I do know this: If I never take the chance at Love, I will never experience Love.
“Love does not happen in the comfort zone” – Kira Sabin (by the way, she is one awesome chick and EVERY single person should be listening to her http://leagueofadventuroussingles.com/)
Open yourself up to new experiences, you have absolutely nothing to fucking loose ❤ ❤ ❤