So I have a been a little absent lately. Over worked, tired and exhausted, I have put some things aside. As I dealt with the emotional toll of not getting things done that I had planned, I took a step back and got back on my personal development bandwagon. If you are like me, I tend to go through spurts. I find that when I start feeling motivated, I quit reading. But the idea is to keep going even when you are on top of everything. But when I do slide and slip backward, I always wonder why. It leaves me exhausted, emotionally drained and wanting to give up.
I believe I have found the answer. I am afraid of success. I am scared of succeeding. You hear a lot about fear of failure, well I am the opposite (and have learned that it is quite common).
So what does this mean? You see, I have always played it safe. I look back and I have always taken the safe road, made safer choices, my risk taking was pretty non-existent, I lived life in the shadows of others. Anything so I would go unnoticed. But yet, in my head, my dreams, I have always wanted more. So many opportunities I let slip by me because I was too scared of actually being good at something. I grew up always thinking that everything I did had to be perfect and nothing was good enough unless it was perfect. But what is perfect? There is no real definition for perfect because perfect is determined by one’s perception. We all have a different idea of what perfect means. What’s considered perfect to you is different than what is considered perfect to me.
Success brings on a lot of responsibility. People expect certain things from you, you are open to criticism, you are vulnerable. If you continue to play it safe, nobody really notices you there, no real expectations, nothing. That’s it, just nothing. I realized, I don’t want to live my life doing nothing, be nobody. I don’t want to live my life in the comfort zone because not much grows there. It’s just the same thing, day after day. Moving out of the comfort zone is scary as hell but exciting and exhilarating. Once you continuously work on getting out there (out of that zone), you will begin to realize how much more you want out of life. All of a sudden, you will have ideas and thoughts that you once believed was never possible. You will learn ways to get what you want out of life. There will be times where your old self wants to jump ship and swim as fast as you can back to the good ol comfort zone. But have patience, learn to trust yourself, things will happen. You just have to keep pushing through, push through those waves, those storms, those calm waters. The road to success is bumpy, full of obstacles and misdirection but it’s an amazing road to be on! Find others who want to join you and support you.
There is a plan for every single one of us, it is up to us to figure out what that is and be amazing at it!!
Sheralee Olfert 